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Untamed
A candid, emotionally direct memoir-essay about unlearning people-pleasing and trusting your own judgment, best for readers who want heart more than a step-by-step program.
What It's About
Untamed is part memoir, part self-help manifesto from Glennon Doyle, best known for her earlier memoir Carry On, Warrior and her years writing the Momastery blog. The book follows her growing realization that she spent much of her life managing other people's reactions: keeping the peace, being the agreeable one, and shaping herself to fit what was expected. Stories from her childhood, her marriage, and the painful work of leaving a life that looked fine from the outside give her argument its weight, and they are what keep the book from reading like a lecture.
The approach is loose and conversational. Chapters are short and often built around a single scene or confession, and Doyle moves between personal disclosure, observations about culture and gender, and direct appeals to the reader. Her central move is to treat a certain inner knowing as more trustworthy than the rules you were taught, and she is blunt about what it costs to keep ignoring that voice.
Reading it feels like sitting with a talkative, emotional friend who wants you to stop performing. It is intimate, often funny, and sometimes raw. It asks for a willingness to sit with discomfort instead of solving it quickly. Expect more invitation than instruction: there are few exercises and no step-by-step program, just a great deal of heart on the page.
Read this if you…
- want an emotionally honest memoir that doubles as a call to self-trust
- are working through people-pleasing, burnout, or feeling unseen in your roles
- prefer warm, conversational writing to clinical or academic self-help
Skip it if you…
- want a practical, evidence-based program with clear steps and exercises
- find confessional, faith-tinged language or big emotional declarations off-putting
Key Ideas
- 1
Good-girl conditioning as a survival strategy
Doyle argues that being agreeable, quiet, and pleasing is often learned early as a way to stay safe and loved. She presents people-pleasing not as a character flaw but as a sensible adaptation that eventually becomes a prison, leaving people disconnected from their own wants and reactions.
- 2
Trusting an inner knowing over outside approval
A recurring theme is the idea that each person has an internal sense of what is true for them, which is often drowned out by external expectations. Doyle encourages readers to notice that quiet signal and to act on it, even when others will be disappointed.
- 3
Pain as information rather than failure
Rather than treating distress as proof something has gone wrong, Doyle frames discomfort as a message worth listening to. This reframing runs through her personal stories and shapes much of the book's advice about change and honesty.
- 4
Resisting the pressure to be tamed
The title points to the cultural habit of training women, in particular, to shrink, soften, and conform. Doyle links personal habits to larger social scripts, which gives the memoir a broader argument about freedom, authenticity, and what it takes to live without constant self-editing.
Limitations
Critics often say the book leans on personal anecdote and sweeping statements more than on research, and that its advice to trust your inner voice can be vague when real choices are hard. Some readers find the repetition and the frequent direct address tiring over a full book. Doyle's own circumstances, including her financial and social position and the public nature of her life, are not representative of most readers, which can make the lessons feel less universal. The book also reflects the particular religious and cultural language of its author, which will land differently across audiences.
Questions Readers Ask
- Is Untamed a memoir or a self-help book?
- It is both, and it is closer to a memoir-essay hybrid than a traditional self-help guide. Most of the book is built from Doyle's personal stories, and the lessons emerge from those stories rather than from exercises or a structured method. Readers who want a clear framework should look elsewhere, but those who like personal reflection will find it engaging.
- How does Untamed compare to Carry On, Warrior?
- Carry On, Warrior is more of a collection of raw, funny essays about faith, addiction, and motherhood. Untamed is more focused on a single argument about people-pleasing and self-trust, and it is more explicitly directed at the reader. If you liked her earlier voice, you will likely enjoy this one, though it is more prescriptive in tone.
- Published
- 2020
- ISBN
- 9781984801265
- Difficulty
- beginner
- Category
- Biographies
Book details and cover from Google Books.
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